Funnies

Bill and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year and every year Bill would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that airplane." Martha always replied, "I know Bill, but that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."One year Bill and Martha went to the fair and Bill said, "Martha, I'm 81 years old. If I don't ride that airplane I might never get another chance."Martha replied, "Bill, that airplane ride costs 10 dollars, and 10 dollars is 10 dollars."The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word it's 10 dollars."Bill and Martha agreed and up they went.The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word.When they landed, the pilot turned to Bill and said, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."Bill replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but 10 dollars is 10 dollars." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into Lake Ontario. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her teetering on the edge of the pier crying.He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food everyday."Moving closer he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose?
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit,and they made passionate love until dawn.Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked."I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me.""He sure is, lady. This is the Toronto Island Ferry."